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Providing Support: In-Person and Online

In-Person

Supporting a friend face-to-face may feel tough, especially if you have never done it before. But there are some ways to make it easier:

  • Find a comfortable place to check in with friends or offer your support. Privacy and noise level are important. Places where other people may overhear what your friend is saying could make them less likely to open up. You may also don't want to choose somewhere to that is so loud you have trouble hearing each other. You could try asking if they want to go to a park or grab a bite to eat after school.
  • Body language is an important part of offering support to a friend in person. If you are listening to your friend with your arms crossed, they may feel like you are judging them. If you are paying attention to something on your phone, they may think you are bored by what they have to say. However, sitting with your arms uncrossed while nodding as they talk shows that you are listening and open to hearing them. It is important to remember that there is no “right” way to position yourself as long as it feels natural to you and shows that you care.
  • Tone is another thing that comes into play when providing in-person support. The tone of someone’s voice can give you a clue about how they may be feeling. You may notice that they sound more frustrated or sad than usual. You can also do your best to keep your tone nonjudgmental and caring while you provide support.
  • School clubs focused on mental health can be a good place to support yourself and others. If you are able to, recommend that the club do a “check-in” at the beginning of every meeting where everyone can share how they are feeling on a scale from 1-5. This way, you can see how your friends are feeling and can follow up with them afterward. You can say something like: “Hey, I noticed you said you were a “2” today during check-in. I’m here if you want to talk.”

Online

Offering support online can feel less stressful and slow down the conversation. However, it may also make it difficult to know what a person’s tone or body language is like. Here are some tools to help you provide support online:

  • Texting or DMs can be a great way to offer support to your friend. You can ask them how they are feeling, but in a way that might feel less awkward. Here is one example of how you can do this:
    • You: "Hey, you seemed down today. Just wanted you to know I'm here for you if you need anything."
    • Friend: "Yeah there's something I need to get off my chest. Can we go for a walk tomorrow?"
    • You: "I'm really glad you're telling me. Unfortunately, I'm busy :( but I'd love to go for a walk on Wednesday!"
    • Friend: "Great-thanks. I've been having a hard time with motivation lately, so it's helpful to have a plan."
    • You: "Ofc - looking forward to it! Feel free to text me if you want someone to chat with in the meantime."
  • Use emojis, gif, and memes to respond to something they have shared or as a way to ask how they are doing. This can break the ice when trying to start a hard conversation. Emojis, gifs, and memes can help to communicate tone, which can be difficult to understand over text/DM. They can also be helpful if people feel more comfortable expressing themselves in pictures rather than words. However, make sure it isn’t something that would poke fun at how they are feeling or make them feel like their emotions aren’t valid.
  • Playing online games together can be another way to start a conversation. If you and a friend typically play a particular online game, you can type or talk as you play. You can ask something as simple as, “What’s up?” or “Are you OK? You don’t seem like yourself lately.” If this feels like a hard topic for them to discuss, playing the game while chatting may give them something to do so they feel less nervous.
  • Voice notes or audio message give you and the other person time to think. It's like talking on the phone, but both people have as much time as they need to listen to what the other person is saying and respond. This can make it easier to have a conversation because you can still hear the other person's tone of voice, but can talk at a much slower pace than a regular phone call.

If you or a friend are struggling with your mental health, visit mhascreening.org to take an anonymous, free, and private mental health test.

It only takes a few minutes, and after you are finished you will be given information about the next steps you can take based on the results.

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