How to Talk to Your Kids About Sexting

Talking to teens about the dangers of oversharing online

Clinical Expert: Karol Espejo, LCSW

It’s far too easy for kids to assume that private online communication stays private. It feels intimate, and sharing intimate details is one way we build close relationships with friends and love interests, which is part of the developmental work of adolescence.

But teenagers should know that any private exchange of words or photos online can also be shared with the whole school, not to mention the rest of the world.

The reality is that privacy and trusted relationships are no match for the temptations and potential for accidents inherent in the technology.

This is why, challenging as it might be, it’s important to talk to kids about sexting, whether it involves sharing provocative pictures of themselves or sending and receiving provocative messages.

As parents, you can avoid being dismissed as nagging, old-fashioned, or clueless by not focusing on how you feel about the appropriateness of sexting. Instead, the message should be about the concrete dangers and serious short- and long-term consequences of online missteps.

Here are a few suggested warnings for your kids:

1. Images have a life of their own

In this digital age, information is far less secure and more fluid than it once was. Example: Your daughter may trust her boyfriend with her photos but he, in turn, might trust a close friend who may think it would be fun to share them. Or she may have an enemy who, once in the loop, could go for maximum destruction. Or the phone may end up in someone else’s hands — like the school principal. These are all scenarios that have played out in cases that hit the news.

2. Sexting could result in a criminal record

It is illegal to distribute child pornography, and someone who’s underage can be charged with distributing child pornography, even if they are sharing photos of themselves. So can the partner who shares the pictures with someone else. Remind your children there are laws that govern their actions and they may face serious consequences if they are caught. It’s happened to other kids.

3. Dignity is worth protecting

Remind your child that they have some control over how the world sees them. Sexting can take that control out of their hands. They may think it’s parental paranoia for you to say that wayward pictures can come back to bite them, but you can offer real scenarios: What if they came up during a job interview?

4. Think before you act

Finally, ask your child to think carefully about what they share with others. It’s up to them to make good decisions, but, as their parent, and someone on their side, it’s your job to try to help them avoid mistakes that could cause them serious misery. Sexting is one of those things that, done casually, can have very painful consequences.