After a Traumatic Event: How to Help Children (Critical Support)

Traumatic events can be scary for both you and your child. Thankfully, there are many things you can do to help your child after a traumatic event.

What exactly is a traumatic event?

According to the National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN), a traumatic event is "a frightening, dangerous, or violent event that poses a threat to a child's life or bodily integrity." 

How to help child survivors:

Understand how children may respond to a traumatic event.

• Some children may not feel upset or show signs of distress.
• Some may not give evidence of being upset for several weeks or even months but then feel upset and show signs of distress.
• Being upset over loss of a favorite toy, blanket, teddy bear or other things adults might consider insignificant, but which are important to the child.
• Change from being quiet, obedient and caring to loud, noisy and aggressive or may change from being outgoing to shy and afraid.
• Developing nighttime fears. They may be afraid to sleep alone at night with the light off, to sleep in their own room, or have nightmares or bad dreams.
• Being afraid the event will reoccur.
• Becoming easily upset, crying, whining.
• Losing trust in adults. After all, their adults were not able to control the disaster.
• Reverting to younger behavior such as bed-wetting and thumb sucking.
• Not wanting parents out of their sight and refusing to go to school or childcare.
• Feeling guilty that they caused the disaster because of something they had said or done.
• Becoming afraid of wind, rain, or sudden loud noises.
• Having symptoms of illness such as headaches, vomiting or fever. Worrying about where they and their family live.

Start supporting the child as soon as possible after the event

• Don't minimize the event; Talk with the children about how they are feeling and listen without judgement. Let them know how they can have their own feelings, which might be different than others. Let the children take their time to figure things out and to have their feelings. Help them learn to use words that express their feelings, such as happy, sad, angry, mad and scared. Just be sure the words fit their feelings - not yours.
• Don't give children more information than they can handle about the trauma.
• Limit their exposure to additional trauma, including news reports.
• Encourage the children to draw or paint pictures of how they feel about their experiences.
• Write a story together of the event. You might start with: Once upon a time there was a terrible _________________ and it scared us all ________________.  This is what happened: _____________. Be sure to end with, "And now we are safe."
• Make puppets with the children and put on a puppet show for family and friends, or help children put on a skit about what they experienced.
• Allow the children to grieve losses.
• Assure fearful children that you will be there to take care of them. Reassure them many times. Find ways to emphasize that you love them.
• Reassure the children that the disaster was not their fault in any way.
• Stay together as a family as much as possible. If you will be away for a time, tell them where you are going and make sure you return or call at the time you say you will.
• Go back as soon as possible to former routines or develop new ones. Maintain a regular schedule for the children.
• Let them have some control, such as choosing what outfit to wear or what meal to have for dinner.
• Help your children know that others love them and feel connected to others. Visit, talk on the phone with or write/draw to family members, friends and neighbors.
• Help your children learn to trust adults again by keeping promises and including children in planning routines and outings.
• Help your children regain faith in the future by helping them develop plans for activities that will take place later - next week, next month.
• Children cope better when they are healthy, so be sure your children get needed health care as soon as possible.
• Make sure the children are getting balanced meals and eating enough food and getting enough rest. 
• Remember to take care of yourself so you can take care of your children. 
• Spend extra time with your children at bedtime. Read stories, run their backs, listen to music, talk quietly about the day.
• Allow special privileges such as leaving the light on when they sleep for a time after disaster.
• Develop positive anniversary activities to commemorate the event. These events may bring tears, but they are also a time to celebrate survival and the ability to get back to a normal life.
  
• Play with playdough or clay with your child. It is good for children to release tension and make symbolic creations.
• Create music with your clothes, shoes, hats, etc. so they can play "dress up" and can pretend to be adults in charge of recovering from disaster and " being in charge."

Seek additional support if needed

• Support from a mental health professional who specializes in helping children after trauma may be valuable under several circumstances
  • If you are not sure if your child needs support from a mental health clinician, it may be beneficial to consult with a mental health clinician
  • If your child is exhibiting intense and/or prolonged symptoms of distress