How to help children ages 6-11

At this age, children are more able to talk about their thoughts and feelings and can better handle difficulties, but they still look to their parents for comfort and guidance. Listening to them demonstrates your commitment. When scary things happen, seeing that parents can still parent may be the most reassuring thing for a frightened child. 

Typical reactions of children ages 6 to 11:

• Anxiety
• Increased aggression, anger and irritability (like bullying or fighting with peers)
• Sleep and appetite disturbances
• Blaming themselves for the event
• Moodiness or crying
• Concerns about being taken care of
• Fear of future injury or death of loved ones
• Denying the event even occurred
• Complaints about physical discomfort, such as stomachaches, headaches, and lethargy, which may be due to stress
• Repeatedly asking questions
• Refusing to discuss the event (more typical among kids ages 9 to 11)
• Withdrawal from social interactions
• Academic problems: Trouble with memory and concentration at school, refusing to attend

What you can do to help your child:

• Reassure your child that they are safe. Children this age are comforted by facts. Use real words, such as hurricane, earthquake, flood, aftershock. For kids this age, knowledge is empowering and helps relieve anxiety.
• Keep things as "normal" as possible. Bedtimes and mealtimes routines help kids feel safe and secure. If you are homeless or have been relocated, establish different routines and give your child some choice in the matter - for example, let them choose which story to tell at bedtime. This gives a child a sense of control during an uncertain time. 
• Limit exposure to TV, newspaper and radio. The more bad news school-age kids are exposed to, the more worried they will be. News footage can magnify the trauma of the event, so when a child does watch a news report or listen to the radio, sit with them so you can talk about it afterword. Avoid letting your child see graphic images.

To help kids ages 6 to 11 cope with the death of a loved one:

• Find out what your child is thinking. Ask questions before you make assumptions about what your child wants to know. For example, you can say, "It made me so upset when grandma died. What about you? It's hard to think about, isn't it?"
• Use real words. Avoid euphemisms for death like "He went to a better place." School-age children are easily confused by vague answers. Instead, you can say, "Grandma has died, she is not coming back, and it is okay to feel sad about that."
• Be as concrete as possible. Use simple drawings to describe things such as the body and injuries.
• Inform your child. Let her know that anger and sadness are typical, and that if they avoid feelings they may feel worse later on.
• Prepare the child for anticipated changes in routines or household functions. Talk about what the charges will mean for them.
  
• Reassure your child. Help her understand it is okay, and normal, to have trouble with school, peers, and family during this time.
• Encourage meaningful memorializing. Pray together as a family and take your child with you to church to light a candle. Your child might also want to write a letter to the deceased person or draw a picture you can hang up.
• Be patient. Kids up to age 11 may think death is reversible, and can have trouble accepting the fact that the person may not return. You might need to say repeatedly, "He died and is not coming back, and I am sad."